CRRRaSh! 353 A Partridge in a Pear Tree

By Roy Mathur, on 2020-12-25, at 17:11:31--17:21:38, for Captain Roy's Rocket Radio Show, Listen

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas and welcome to the inaugural episode of this short series of pods on each of the twelve days of Christmas, in which I talk about anything and everything, as well as the usual geek stuff.

I'll try to limit these Christmas shows to small portions, not because I have no material, but because I'll need the time to edit and upload the same day, and because I want some time to enjoy Christmas.

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

According to Wikipedia, the song was published as a chant in 1780 England without music and was thought to be French in origin. A very detailed Vox article also states that there is no deeper Christian meaning, but enough waffle and here is the first verse:

On the first day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me,
A partridge in a pear tree.


Oh, so now it's okay to be vegetarian?

It's great how much vegetarian and vegan food there is nowadays. I'm not just talking Holland and Barrett and Linda McCartney, but supermarkets selling vegetarian and vegan cakes and sweets and marshmallows and burgers and sausages, but I can't help feeling a little bitter.

As a Hindu, though some of us are vegetarian, I'm not, but there are certain dietary restrictions that made it difficult to shop in previous years. Now that vegetarianism and veganism has soared, thanks to environmentalism and ethical concerns, suddenly all this stuff is around because of market forces directed by the majority European white population.

But where was all this stuff when I was growing up?


The point is I'm glad there are things I can buy that don't contain gelatine or other animal products, but I'm not grateful. My minority pounds are as good as any other pound.

So here's a little message to that arrogant Dutch cheese merchant at the market, who scornfully replied to my enquiry about vegetarian cheese. He and all the other pains in my bottom I have had the displeasure to meet over the years can just go stuff themselves with, of course, vegetarian cheese.

To end on a less aggrieved note, thanks Mum for those delicious vegan sausage rolls, and late breaking; I have my Xmas cheese thanks to those weirdly early post-Christmas sales that start before Christmas. Hey, this must be cheese inverted through a turnstile.


No shortages they said, don't worry your little pleb heads about it they said, and then, what a surprise, there may be shortages. Thanks Boris, thanks Tesco, thanks all-round.

Monday and Tues Morning, the fear set in and I shopped 'til I dropped at extremely unnatural hours, and filled up the car too. I just about got everything my family needed... including those cheeses. Root vegetables were remembered at the last minute and bought yesterday.

All I can say is that I'm glad France partially reopened the borders because blighty is hardly self-sufficient.

Also, thanks lorry drivers for dealing with those terrible queues. We appreciate it.


I don't know if was the sprinkling of extra toppings, including Stilton, on a frozen pizza, or the walnut cake afterwards, but Christmas Eve, continuing into very early Christmas morning did something terrible to my acid reflex and IBS. I think I may actually be losing weight this Christmas.

Christmas breakfast was, therefore, emergency IBS food and pain killers. In my case this is baby food; usually a variation of those berry and yogurt baby insta-cereals---Aptamil this morning---other days it's, Farley's Rusks (low sugar).

How long can this cheese string go? Oh, shut up, I thought that was great because it was both true and funny and punny too.


Boneless chicken joint, separate roasted veggies and stuffing balls (vegetarian Mum), gravy, cranberry sauce, individual plum puddings, and Appletiser to drink. Chocolate logs, and mince pies? Maybe some other day, it's not as if they can escape.

Indigestion? Yes, I have it. I told you it would be a feature.


I got two hula shirts from Mum, which is reliable presents for me as an aficionado of the garment of which I own many. Some of my stuff was wrapped up in Avengers wrapping paper. Thanks Mum!

I gave Dad an Ikea Svallet lamp. I have one of these too. They are great, cheap, ridiculously easy to assemble, largely made of recycled material, and (I hope) Dad-proof.

I bought Mum the first Gruffalo book because, although she reads everything, she has a fondness for cute stuff.

I also bought Christmas editions of National Geographic and New Scientist to share.