CRRRaSh! 387 Nordic Naughtiness

By Roy Mathur, on 2021-06-14, at 23:19:07--23:47:25 BST, for Captain Roy's Rocket Radio Show, Listen

Berenice Marlohe isn't in This...

It's time tell you a dream I had recently again, and yes, I am aware that telling someone your dream is like forcing a bored audience through an excruciatingly long slide show. Remember those?

Tangent: a supply teacher once presented a version of "what I did on me hols" slide show at Compost College. She showed off photos of an impossibly exotic locale with good-looking, thin, brown people with boats, and the pasty couple they were tolerating.

Tangent again: I attended Compost College, a fee-paying dump of a private school, thanks to the recommendation of overprivileged family friends, who later regularly ate Mum's Tandoori chicken, but still made me get a bus home and walk in the street with only one shoe after the other was "lost" on a fishing trip. And let's not forget the paid, but painful, extra job I had of cutting their hedge of ivy. Thanks for not warning me it was poison ivy. I had arms like Zeppelins that night. No grudges.

Back to the dream. A beautiful, very fictional, and irate Parisian girlfriend waves her arms and shouts about me living in a wizarding tower as she leaves for good. In the semi-dream state of waking, I picked Berenice Marlohe as that fictional girlfriend---it could have been Eva Green---but Eva was unavailable and it is Marlohe's photocopied image from Skyfall I've got staring down at me from my wall.

Tangent the third: can I also take the time to not thank cousins who tried to set me up with a Parisian girlfriend who absolutely did not look anything like Berenice or Eva. Again, no grudges.

To conclude, Berenice Marlowe is neither my girlfriend or even in this episode because A/ I don't do interviews anymore and B/ Even if I did still do interviews---rather than drone incoherently---what amazingly insightful questions would I ask her? Exactly. To be clear, Berenice Marlohe isn't in this.

Whale Swallows Man

Metro reported a man, a lobster diver, was swallowed by a juvenile humpback whale that almost choked before spitting the rubbery morsel back out.

I have it on good authority that the lobsters are happy at their reprieve.

No More Embedded Show Notes

For a while, I experimented with podcast MP3 files embedded with show notes using Mp3tag. No one read them, most podcast players couldn't display them, and I often stray into other topics while taping. Also, when I find grammar errors later, and I always do, I don't want to have to re-tag and re-upload MP3 files. So I'm no longer doing this.

Instead, you'll get a properly formatted and easy to read blog post with each episode. Huzzah!


Scientist's wife dies. Scientist builds a replacement. This is not going to end well.

Set in a William Gibsonesque high tech world of warring corporations and a sinister Toby Jones. Is there now any other kind?

The 2020 movie could be taken at first glance for a sort of budget Ex Machina (2014), but that would be unfair. The FX are convincing, the scenery beautiful, and the twist is very different. To give the film its due, I did not see the twist until twenty minutes before the end.

This is a sci-fi film about life after death and sadness and the space between people and really shit self-centred partners and robots and memory and identity and free will and what really makes a person a person and Rene Descartes too probably. You get the picture, and it is an okay picture, but does all sci-fi have to be miserable? It wasn't always like that.

Finally, remember, sometimes it's better not to answer the phone.


Another Marvel six-parter, but this time far less stodgy than The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, in which Tom Hiddleston chews the scenery as he enjoys reprising his role as Loki the Norse god of mischief.

Snatched from the timeline during Avengers: Endgame after his theft of the tesseract, he is judged guilty of time crimes, but is recruited to the service of the omnipotent Time-Keepers' Time Variance Authority to prevent a criminal from causing further damage to the "Sacred Timeline".

Comedy, action, and great effects ensue in this adventure as we enjoy seeing the pompous half-god cut down to size, and then root for him as he sneakily puts one over the Time Variance Authority.

Wunmi Mosaku from Lovecraft Country is also in this as a tough, funny, and slightly motherly character, i.e. in the way she treats the misbehaving god of naughtiness.

Tangent! In the real Norse mythology, outside the world of Marvel, there was no happy ending for Loki, who was bound to a rock with the entrails of his own son and tortured with poison while he awaited Ragnarok. And what of Thor? He's a goat chariot riding, psychopathic and sadistic hooligan.

Glitch in the Matrix of Gallifrey

It's coming, it really is. Expect the next Doctor Who revisit uploaded on Friday.

Old Friends Reunited

I had another more recent dream about finally meeting an old friend from my childhood. This is someone I've been hoping to see again for quite some time in real life.

I tried to explain why I got their back up the last time we met. It was a good, clear, human, and sincere explanation. However, they turned out to be completely tone deaf. If this is the universe telling me not to stir up the past, then so be it... apart from opportunities to stick the boot in. Grant me that at least universe. Sometimes bad trumps good and that's alright. Did I say Lord Vader has a place of honour in my personal shrine?

...Neither is Malcolm-Jamal Warner

This dream is from last night. In it, I and some others are invited home for dinner by a white haired Theo from The Cosby Show, who's become a famous playwright. We're excited when he says, "Here's some of my best writing...", but then he continues with, "...that I've used to apologise to women I've dated." He then tells us of a disastrous date that ended with him killing the woman's cat (straight out of The War of the Roses), but then reassures us that the cat was a Ming dynasty clay figurine... that he's still paying for.

Before this could continue, an unseen loud and annoying Ragtime jazz band woke me up.